TS just loves a party, and is already feeling very excited about tonight's Accountancy Age Awards – the most glamorous in the industry, of course. A veteran of the party circuit, TS thought it would be useful to share its sage knowledge on all things related to champagne cocktails and disco dance routines with its loyal readers.

To start, TS must emphasise that in order to make the evening a success it's essential that all partners and other senior accountants come equipped with their firm's gold card. Journalists, TS included, are a thirsty bunch and have been looking forward to some lavish drinks bills for weeks now.

If it's not too late already, the attendees at tonight's exclusive event should rush off to HR right away and take tomorrow off. After tonight's excess an early rise, a packed train to Waterloo and a two-hour meeting with the boss are not advisable. Needless to say, TS has booked in its leave and will be sleeping off the inevitable hangover until 1pm at the earliest. Do your best to do the same.

Finally, a few tips about negotiating Battersea Park after 12 lagers, three bottles of champers and a crate of sauvignon. Don't walk into the Peace Pagoda and be careful of the pigs in the petting zoo. For its reader's sake TS won't go into any more details – just trust us. Those little critters can get very aggressive.