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Colin's taxing life
This week, Colin has a bee in his bonnet over the amount of tax he'll pay over his lifetime. Click on the cartoon strip above to see a full size version.
Sarbox flies the red flag
Back in the seventies, TS could often be found sporting its Che Guevara T-shirt and shouting anti-capitalist slogans. Now, we care more about how the IAS39 carve out will impact UK plc. How times have changed.
Or have they? According to governance adviser and management consultant Bob Garratt’s recent speech ‘over the medium term, Sarbanes-Oxley could have more effect in killing the US capitalist system than Karl Marx ever dreamed of’.
Now, TS knows that it’s good to make an impact when taking the floor, but we’re not sure whether comparing a piece of financial legislation with the effects of a communist regime is entirely fair.
We’re no huge fan of section 404, but it hardly ranks alongside the human rights abuses, mass starvation and near all-out global nuclear war that hallmarked the communist era.
A Savage bit of kit
Ever a fan of modern technology (we’ve just purchased a Betamax video recorder) and a keen follower of football, TS was intrigued to hear that Premiership bruisers Blackburn Rovers were trialling new finance IT kit from Microsoft.
Apparently it has impressed so far, but perhaps its benefits are being overplayed a tad by those involved. Okay, it has been pointed out that the team hasn’t lost since beta testing began, but surely sound financial systems aren’t the answer to all of a footy team’s problems, are they?
Maybe TS is completely wrong and Blackburn boss Mark Hughes should take the plunge and replace one of its midfielders with a mid-market finance IT system. After all, it’s likely to fall over less than Robbie Savage.
Varney’s the invisible man
TS noticed there was no sign of David Varney, chairman of HMRC, at last week’s Hardman Memorial Lecture at the ICAEW.
In fact, there is rarely any sign of him at the big events in tax these days, leading some gossips, of which TS is one, to ask how much longer he will retain his position atop the tax tree.
Varney has been mauled by several select committees recently, and few MPs seem to warm to him. If he were to depart early, of course, it would be very embarrassing for the government, who triumphantly presented him when he was appointed as evidence that the public sector could attract private sector talent (he was chairman of mm02).
Dave Hartnett, HMRC director general, always seems to have a grin on his face. Does he know something we don’t?
All we are saying...
Last week, KPMG’s Loughlin Hickey made a John Lennon-style plea for peace, love and understanding in the tax world. He called for the media, in particular, to be responsible in its reporting of tax issues: ‘To genuinely understand what’s behind actions rather than taking the short sharp headline grabbing view.’
Loughlin won’t mind, then, if TS makes takes a peek into the cause of his disagreements with Richard Murphy of the Tax Justice Network.
Obviously, there are many issues involved, but is there something in the fact that the two used to work together in the early 80s? Hickey and Murphy worked out of the same branch of what was Peat Marwick, at Puddle Dock. Is there history here? We must be told.
Tax clash set for December
Senior figures in the tax world sighed when they heard that the pre-Budget report was to be delivered on the 5 December. The Chartered Institute of Tax is having a grand 75th anniversary reception that night, making it a very busy 24 hours for some of the profession’s most prominent tax people.
Didn’t Gordon know? Couldn’t he have planned around it? The CIOT says the show must go on: ‘It’s too large an event to cancel or change,’ a spokesman says. With 500 people coming on boat trips on the Thames and a visit to Shakespeare’s Globe theatre, the great and the good of the tax world will all be there if a little late, perhaps.
‘The pre-Budget report will be a perfect topic for conversation,’ our man at the CIOT adds, putting a brave face on it.
Colin takes on mission impossible
Colin has a devious plan in hand, but maybe it won't be as tough as he thinks, or maybe he's just too late. Click on the image above to read his latest adventure.
Mystery thief grabs a gong
You know you are getting old when a week goes by and you are still recovering from the aftermath of the Accountancy Age Awards.
It was an especially good evening for PricewaterhouseCoopers, which ‘ran off’ with two awards including the biggy, Big Four Firm of the Year. Celebrations on the PwC table were cut short, however.
When the firm made its way to collect its second gong, some devious stranger stepped up on stage, shook hands with the sponsor, nabbed the award and scarpered.
Bouncers later retrieved the trophy from the table of mid-tier firm Ford Campbell. If anyone can name the culprit, TS wants to know.
But remember such crimes are rare so don’t have nightmares.
Olympic attraction
TS never thought accountancy would be the kind of profession to attract groupies, but was proven wrong at last week’s Accountancy Age Awards. Neil Wood, the FD of the 2012 London Olympic bid and winner of our Personality of the Year Award, was accompanied by an entourage that would make a heavyweight boxing champ proud.
Not satisfied with clapping for their man when he won, ‘Team Wood’ came equipped with Neil Wood face masks, flags and pictures of the Mr Wood on his fortieth birthday (from what TS can gather it was a raucous affair).
The mild-mannered accountant was also besieged by autograph hunters, impressed by his figures. And from what TS can remember, Team Wood won the post-award party hands down as well. Congratulations to Neil and his loyal followers.
The best wife award goes to…
Awards ceremonies are all to often the place to witness emotional outbursts, even our own event can sometimes match the Oscars for touching moments. But it is unusual to see an awards presenter getting carried away in the heat of the moment.
Bridge Gadhok, compliance partner of Doshi & Co, decided that rather than simply presenting Small Business Software Package of the Year to Norwegian software company Mamut, he would tell a stunned crowd it should be presented to his wife for being such a lovely small package. TS was particularly moved when he asked her to stand up.
The next presenter, Stuart Wilson of Alliance & Leicester Commercial Bank, also wanted in on the act. ‘I’d present this to my wife as well, but she doesn’t know I’m here,’ he said, raising a few titters and some concerns. Perhaps we should consider a comedy tent at our festival of accountancy bands?
So who was the first institute?
You may have realised that relationships between some of the institutes aren’t exactly healthy at the moment. The fallout from the failed merger attempt have left relations a little, shall we say, frosty especially over the name issue.
So TS felt it was our duty to stir the pot at the Accountancy Age Awards among some of those close to the ICA(EW), with delightful results. When suggesting to one FCA that ICAS may have a point over the name, given they were the first institute, the answer came back: ‘Well actually they were not.’
A monologue followed on how, despite ICAS priding themselves on being the first accounting institute to receive a royal charter, the English had preceded them. Well known fact or just bluster? TS isn’t sure but would love to hear more thoughts on this subject, especially from the Scots. Just post a comment below.
A good judge of character?
Being asked to participate on the Accountancy Age Awards judging panel ensures you are recognised as one of the top names in the profession. It doesn’t, however, automatically instil in you all the social airs and graces necessary for the part.
During the presentation speech for outstanding achievement by our esteemed editor, a mere passing mention of last year’s inaugural winner, Sir David Tweedie, led one member of the judging panel to partake in some booing!
We also hear there was a severe amount of buck passing between the judges over who had uttered the clichéd phrase ‘thought outside of the box’, when describing Accounting Technician winner Catherine Thompson. No-one owned up.
Asking for trouble
TS was mightily impressed with Steve Gazzard, young UK finance director of big business software company SAP.
We enjoyed having a chat with a software bloke that didn't involve him shifting nervously in his seat while explaining away 'implementation problems' associated with big IT disasters.
Steve even pointed out that that SAP had not had any headlines of this nature for ages. Indeed, we all know that the saying: 'nobody got sacked for picking IBM' has oft been swapped for 'SAP' in recent years.
But….it appears Steve put the wicked spell on his company, as news has come out from the US Government Accountability Office that the US Navy has wasted a billion bucks (nearly £600m) on four ERP planning pilot projects.
Ironically it seems that IBM, Deloitte & Touche and EDS had been involved in these pilots.
Oh well, TS is sure that Steve may think twice about tempting fate again.
Colin at the awards
Getting drunk at award ceremonies can sometimes be a bit of a disaster, but occasionally it can work the other way, as Colin discovers.
Click on the image above to see his tuxedo adventures
A night to remember
As a fashionable London media type, TS was propping up a bar in Clapham one evening last week when our conversation (which ranged from the next Conservative leader to why baby polar bears make better pets than kittens) was interrupted by the drunken antics of a group at a nearby table.
Was it a birthday party getting out of hand, we asked our waiter?
No, he told us, as another tray full of wine and champagne was delivered, it was the monthly night out of [remove Big Four firm’s name from here – Ed. And definitely remove name of team – Ed’s lawyer].
Before long, the toilets were a no-go area with one team member being sick in one loo and another cubicle playing host to an overly amorous couple.
You just wonder what they hold in reserve for the Christmas do…
If the cap fits...
Confession time. TS, in its early days, longed to star in school drama Grange Hill. Thoughts of that glorious theme tune, the sadly late Mr Bronson shouting at blazered little oiks for being late for double French and the beautifully awful anti-drugs charity record ‘Just Say No’ still send shivers down the spine.
But TS isn’t the only little rascal harking back to the days of catapults, wedgies and behind-the-bike-sheds naughtiness. At the launch of the £5m business tax research centre at the Said Business School at Oxford University, Dave Hartnett, director general of HMRC gave a speech explaining how he and Jon Symonds, the soon-to-depart Hundred Group chairman, after inspecting the facilities, would ‘love to become students again’.
TS can’t wait for the taxman to deliver on his promise. In fact, we still have a small pair of shorts and a matching cap if big Dave’s interested?
What a Rat!
The annual VATRat award is Baker Tilly’s chance to honour someone who has made a significant contribution to the development of VAT. So practitioners must have been choking on their bread rolls last week when who should triumph but Chris Tailby, head of anti-avoidance at HMRC, a man more feared and loathed in the profession than widely admired.
‘The award could be seen as controversial,’ says Alan Pearce of Baker Tilly. But the culture of VAT avoidance has changed, he adds, and that ‘is largely due to the work of Chris and his team at HMRC’.
Three cheers for Chris, then, everyone. Hip, hip…
How to get a name in accounting
TS is reluctant to point out the mistakes of other journals, but we just have to share the one made by The Independent, which featured Grant Thornton tax partner Mike Warburton, whose name has appeared on this page a few times before.
The offending line reads: ‘Mike Warburton, a senior tax partner at the accountants Grant Warburton, said an increasing number of companies had joined AIM due to the tax breaks available to investors.’
It’s not Grant Warburton just yet. Unless The Indy has greater knowledge of the inner workings of GT, sorry GW, than TS.
Music, please, maestro
Since we launched our Compact Pussycat competition, TS has been inundated with suggestions for accountancy-related band names. Well, perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but if our readers don’t feel like sampling Norwich’s top all-girl punk-pop band, then who are we to argue.
Of the responses we got, nil points go to Will Henry. While we agree that the Tax Pistols is indeed a great name, it was mentioned in these very pages a few weeks ago.
We did like the suggestion from ‘Andrew’, who wants to start a band called Rule of 78, which, he says, ‘recalls the glory years of British punk’ and, erm, the accountancy student’s favourite shortcut for calculating loan repayments.
But we chose the entry from Steve Clarke as our favourite for the genius that lay in its sheer simplicity.
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you ‘The Lost Profits’.
Pre-awards advice from TS
TS just loves a party, and is already feeling very excited about tonight's Accountancy Age Awards – the most glamorous in the industry, of course. A veteran of the party circuit, TS thought it would be useful to share its sage knowledge on all things related to champagne cocktails and disco dance routines with its loyal readers.
To start, TS must emphasise that in order to make the evening a success it's essential that all partners and other senior accountants come equipped with their firm's gold card. Journalists, TS included, are a thirsty bunch and have been looking forward to some lavish drinks bills for weeks now.
If it's not too late already, the attendees at tonight's exclusive event should rush off to HR right away and take tomorrow off. After tonight's excess an early rise, a packed train to Waterloo and a two-hour meeting with the boss are not advisable. Needless to say, TS has booked in its leave and will be sleeping off the inevitable hangover until 1pm at the earliest. Do your best to do the same.
Finally, a few tips about negotiating Battersea Park after 12 lagers, three bottles of champers and a crate of sauvignon. Don't walk into the Peace Pagoda and be careful of the pigs in the petting zoo. For its reader's sake TS won't go into any more details – just trust us. Those little critters can get very aggressive.
A very cynical suggestion?
We are, if Ernst & Young is to be believed, to expect changes to the tax regime for North Sea Oil companies in the pre-budget report.
Some unkind souls have, however, been suggesting that E&Y may have an ulterior motive.
E&Y audits BP, and there are suggestions that if it manages to show oil producers squealing before anything is introduced, it may be able to stop the government in its tracks.
'A very cynical suggestion,' is all TS's friends at More London Place will say.
CCAB site to return
Following some of the nasty things that the various accounting institutes have been saying to each other, TS thought that CCAB's website, which represents collaboration among the profession, might never get back off the ground again
Back in July, TS noted that the website had been taken offline, for 'refurbishment'. Since thenv arious checks by TS, on an almost hourly bass, have proved fruitless.
But there is some good news, and perhaps an indicator of a profession looking to be friends with itself again…..as such.
According to CCAB secretary Sharon Grant, the site should be back up and running in the next couple of weeks.
Until then, she points browsers to visit the individual institute websites instead.
Spark(ler)s fly for Colin
Colin keeps out the impending winter chill with a trip to a Guy Fawkes Night bonfire. Find out what happens by clicking on the image above
Wayne’s porn Starr turn
As firm fans of smutty humour and questionable remarks, TS is not alone in the financial world.
Attending the PwC Meet the Experts conference this week, we stumbled across a presentation by former SEC associate director Wayne Carnell, in which he highlighted cases the watchdog had dealt with on disclosure. One such tale involved insider dealing, but rather than focus on the details Wayne discussed the involvement of Kathryn Gannon, who had a ‘personal relationship’ with both the men involved.
Kathryn is perhaps better known as Marilyn Starr, thanks to her career as a porn star. Wayne went on to reveal some of the films she’s been in, including Babewatch 2&3, Marilyn does Miami and, for those with a financial bent Marilyn Whips Wall Street.
Wayne didn’t finish there, displaying a picture of Marilyn before ‘attempting’ to show a film clip, which unfortunately flashed up ‘censored’.
His next case example was Penthouse International.
They’re coming after you, John
KPMG partners are in a generous mood these days. Keener readers will recall how UK chairman Mike Rake sent his E&Y counterpart Nick Land a bottle of champagne a few weeks ago to acknowledge the firm’s court victory over Equitable Life.
Now TS hears that another Puddle Dock senior partner is considering sending a Christmas gift to John Connolly, head of the UK’s number two firm Deloitte.
What happened to cut-throat competition among the Big Four, you might ask? KPMG (number 3 in our Top 50) might be full of bonhomie after posting 20% growth last week, but the champagne will not be leaving the building this time.
Our partner tells us he is on the look-out for a special kind of gift for Connolly, whose firm grew by ‘only 9%’ last year: ‘I’m considering sending him a set of rear-view mirrors.’
Wenger beaten at home by Deloitte man
TS has a sneaking admiration for the way Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger almost always manages to keep his cool (present Mourinho argument excepted), even when his players are making a right mess of penalty kicks. But we hear he quite literally ‘lost the plot’ when informed that a Deloitte consultant had bought Arsenal’s home changing room and dugout.
The consultant from the Big Four Firm is one of the first people to purchase one of the new properties to be built at Arsenal’s Highbury ground when the team moves homes and the ground is converted into flats.
He even managed to snatch the most requested piece of real estate from under the Gallic nose of Arsène himself, who is widely reported to be jealous.
‘I’ll have to look elsewhere,’ he stated, when asked if he had considered purchasing that particular plot.
Brown puts bite on butties
It seems that nasty Gordon Brown is targeting the humble British caff’s bacon and sausage sandwiches, in his inexorable drive to pay off government debts.
A recent TS morning trip for a medicinal toasted BLT (with mayo) saw the goodies presented in a bag with our old friend Adam Hart-Davis staring back: ‘Get your tax return in the bag before Christmas,’ he pleads.
The advert caused great concern for the owners of our favourite snack stop, as they’ve always claimed back VAT on sarnie bag purchases but without buying them in the first place (tut tut). They’re worried that it could be HMRC’s way of keeping a closer eye on them.
New dawn for Primarolo?
TS is not often in possession of hot political gossip, so let’s make the most of it - if anyone asks, you heard it here first.
Tony Blair (this one goes right to the top) is rumoured to be looking at a December reshuffle, his last chance to move the deckchairs around before his ship sinks
There are worries that HMRC is not being kept under control by ‘Red’ Dawn Primarolo, the paymaster general, and the suggestions are that she will be moved. Being a loyal Brown ally, she may well be transfered to a better job.
But who will take HMRC by the scruff of the neck should this happen? John Spellar, the Warley MP and a bit of a bruiser, is one name. John Healey, rising through the ranks of those in charge of our coffers, is another.
