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Colin gets creepy
Colin and chums are in Halloween fancy dress this week. Click on the image above to see what they came as.
Music to your ears
More enthusiastic TS readers will have been following our quest to hold an accountancy-based festival The Big Quill, featuring accountants in bands.
The idea was kicked off after we read about award-winning bookkeeper Helen Stafford, who also plays bass in all-girl punk pop group Compact Pussycat.
A flood of other budding pop stars/accountants then wrote to TS, fleshing out our lineup.
TS has since heard from Helen, and while festival season is long gone, she suggested that perhaps all the bands could play at an ICAEW dinner as ‘they need livening up’.
Helen has also provided TS with a copy of Compact Pussycat’s latest EP to pass on to one lucky reader. Write in, email or blog, with suggestions for the name of an accountancy-related band and the best one will win the CD.
Answer to student prayers
After seeing a traffic cone on top of a statue recently, TS started to reminisce about our wild student days. Ah, the hilarious japes we used to get up to, despite a chronic lack of cash. So when we heard about a 'new student finance software’ we were intrigued.
TS thinks the new software, which promises to help ‘struggling students’ calculate their finances and concentrate on their ‘social lives’, is long overdue, as there are endless financial dilemmas facing learners.
For instance, we always battled to calculate the optimum booze-food spending ratios. Then there is the question of whether it is cheaper to sleep until midday and save money on breakfast, or skip lunch in favour of an afternoon siesta instead.
TS has no doubt the new software will be a bestseller. Party on.
Race hots up to lead E&Y
Feverish gossip is doing the rounds at Ernst & Young about Nick Land’s successor, and TS feels we have a moral duty to share it with you. The rumour is that a late candidate will join the council’s two nominees to the chairmanship Mark Otty, a 41-year-old fitness fanatic who apparently does 100k runs, and Jock Lennox, a 49-year-old Scot.
Both of the current candidates are from the industrial and commercial office, and the financial services division apparently feels slighted. Mike Cullen and Christopher Price, from said division, are being talked of as potential challengers.
Meanwhile, insiders have described Lennox and Otty as management consultant types, better at the big picture than in dealing with subordinates. Otty apparently oozes charisma, but would put a few noses out of joint if he won, not least because he only recently became part of E&Y’s UK executive.
Now here's a thought
News that Midlands accounting firm Cooper Parry is suing Barclays over use of advertising slogan ‘Now there’s a thought’ got TS thinking.
It’s been mentioned here before that tax people Chiltern have a brand not a million miles away from Deloitte’s the blue writing, the unnecessary coloured dot. Not only that, but the firm operates in a similar field. Does TS sense the dollar signs flashing in other lawyers eyes, on the back of the Cooper Parry case?
Whatever happens there, TS will be defending our sole right to use the term ‘taking stock,’ and suing for millions in damages if necessary. TS in court - now there’s a thought.
It's accounting Jim, but not as we know him
When you’re a big-name journalist hosting a debate with some of accountancy’s biggest names, it’s vital that you ask the right questions, control audience intervention and show no respect for reputation.
This was the challenge facing The Today Programme’s John Humphrys at last week’s Global Public Policy Symposium. Questioning Deloitte chief executive William Parrett over matters of audit quality, he was faced with a heckler. Sensing conflict, Humphrys allowed said heckler the floor. Unfortunately the only comment the audience member wanted to make was that Humphries had been calling Bill ‘Jim’.
His response: ‘Bill, Jim, whatever.’
With friends like these...
ACCA held a pleasant evening recently in Portcullis House, that nice building where MPs have their offices and select committees meet to shout at powerful people.
In honour of ACCA's new public policy unit (a lobbying outfit), Allen Blewitt and co were welcomed in by David Taylor MP, who sponsored the gathering.
The Labour MP from Leicestershire is a former accountant, hence his interest, but one other aspect of his record invites slightly more attention.
Taylor is close to Austin Mitchell, it seems, and a frequent signatory to Mitchell's regular early day motions laying into tax avoiders.
ACCA's head of taxation Chas Roy Chowdhury recently said that tax avoidance had become a 'bogeyman' and was thought of unfairly now as the cause of all evil in the tax system. A case of 'with friends like these'?
'We knew all about David Taylor's background,' an ACCA spokesman said, adding that they would be keen to talk to him on avoidance: 'We would happily have a conversation with Austin Mitchell too,' he said bravely.
No way, Jose
TS is thrilled that accounting is going through a boom period – mainly as it keeps us in a job. More graduates than ever before want to join the profession, three of the Big Four have been cited by university students as some of the most popular companies in the UK and the Accountancy Age careers fair a few weeks ago drew in thousands of hungry bean counting wannabes.
So TS was equally delighted to see a full page KPMG ad in a financial broadsheet last week announcing the firm's 574 new worldwide partners.
A big congrats from TS goes out to all the new partners, but we were slightly curious to discover that beside the large number of names for partners in the US and UK, there was just the one for Portugal.
The name of this Portuguese partner: Jose Portugal.
We just hope that poor Jose isn't, as his name suggests to TS, running a one-man operation out there.
TS can't wait for next year's list and is keeping its fingers crossed that Bob Burkina Faso gets the recognition he so richly deserves.
Colin on slogans
This week, Colin is perusing some catchy slogans for his department. Experience a few excruciating gags by clicking on the image above.
Keeping up with the Joneses
Wales is known for many things Tom Jones’s swinging hips, coal mines and male voice choirs, endless rain and picturesque sheep-filled valleys. But TS bets you have never associated Wales with the many opportunities for companies who choose Cymru as a ‘nearshore’ location for their UK operations?
Ever since TS attended an outsourcing roundtable event last week, we have seen the land of leeks in a whole new light.
And so it seems has Andrew Probert, finance and IT director of Admiral Group. Probert not only sees Wales as a great place to outsource, but also as a great place to hire its auditors KPMG, because of their cheap ‘Welsh rates’.
There’s nothing wrong with saving a penny or two but are Welsh accountants cheap? You’re pulling the wool over our eyes Andrew.
Revenue's coded plea
Is all the bad publicity getting to HM Revenue & Customs? The tax credit disasters and the qualification of its accounts seem to have caused the department to take a more pleading tone. TS only asks because we’ve just seen HMRC’s new P46 form.
Attentive readers may realise that this is to be introduced shortly to deal with the Rev’s PAYE issues. The dummy form runs through all its new features, and references a fictional company supposed to be filling out the form. Its name? Giveus Abreak.
Looks like things really are that bad at 100 Parliament Street. Perhaps TS should lay off the taxman for a while then again why spoil our fun?
Exactly what it says on the tin
TS loves a good slogan. In our opinion there’s nothing finer than a well-run campaign with a good catchphrase. Lines like ‘because you’re worth it’, ‘Vorsprung durch Technik’, or ‘beanz meanz Heinz’ always stick in our memory.
Well, now we can add another to that list of greats, with the ICAEW’s crusade to highlight the benefits to clients of using its members: ‘You can count on a chartered accountant.’
TS admires the exceptional use of the word ‘count’, as it ensures that we understand that, not only can we rely on our accountant, but also that they can actually count. Pure genius.
Mind you, this catchy slogan still has some way to go to top the title of a similar campaign from a few years back: ‘It’s easier to sleep with a chartered accountant.’
Now that classic line was nothing less than finger lickin’ good.
Desperate measures
With merger fever about to reach its climax, it’s fair to say that both the ICAEW and CIPFA are doing their utmost to ensure that it comes off. Every vote is being fought for, but TS was very surprised at the lengths to which the institutes are going to bring in those vital votes. The ICAEW now appears to be canvassing outside its membership to get the yes vote up.
TS has heard from one non-member, who received a letter from institute chief executive Eric Anstee urging for his support and vote for the merger. Bad enough you may think but when that non-member turns out to be Ian Robertson, former president of ICAS, the ploy smacks of desperation. Robertson, chief executive of Wilson Bowden, spent a good deal of his term in battle with the ICAEW over the merged institute’s name. Ian told TS he didn’t need to spend long pondering which way to use this ‘unexpected opportunity’.
Round the world ego trip
Sometimes TS gets ideas above its station, or an inflated sense of self importance. But we are very soon brought back down to earth with a bump. We can still hear the laughter ringing in our ears from the time we told the office that TS should be moved to the front page.
Naguib Kheraj, Barclays’ CFO (read his interview on page 18 of this week's mag), may have had a similar experience recently where he got very excited on a trip to Boston. Wandering into a bar, he saw that every hoarding in the vicinity was plastered with Barclays ad material.
‘For me? You shouldn’t have,’ he thought. Little did he realise, the Barclays Global Challenge the round the world yacht race was shortly to arrive in the harbour. Not for you, Naguib, not for you.
PwC blogs on
Here at TS we're not too proud to promote the blog activities of others that we might happen to stumble upon, provided it offers a strategic synergy with our own core activities (that's marketing speak for also accounting related).
But imagine the surprise when Big Four players PwC announced that it had entered the new Millennium and taken up the blog challenge.
The firm's UK finance and treasury leader Mohammed Amin will blog on all things finance and treasury-related, unsurprisingly.
But before you rush off to read his first posting, bear in mind that his chosen subject for the day is a look at the 'possible implication of the amended definition of a derivative contract', considering 'whether a forward purchase of shares where a large deposit is paid up-front could now fall within the definition'.
If that's still up your street, then take a visit. But come back to TS when you're done.
pwc.blogs.com/mohammed_amin/2005/10/welcome.html
Colin's quiz night
TS isn't the only one to have participated in the obligatory pub quiz or two. Colin and chums are also partial to the odd beer-laden trivia assault. And like TS, some of his answers are exceptionally poor. Click on the link above to read about his antics.
Getting it off our chest
It was with great enthusiasm that TS attended the inaugural Deloitte consultants versus hacks pub quiz.
Competition was extremely fierce, there was even a prize for the best team name.
So TS thought it was on to a winner by calling our team ‘It’s AA for me’, a hilarious play on the phrase ‘It’s DD for me’ that was rather publicly emblazoned across the tight fitting T-shirt of Zoë Aylward, supporter of Tory leadership hopeful David Davies. Zoë is a tax employee at Deloitte, so we expected an easy win.
Unfortunately, a broadsheet had come up with a similar idea, and walked away with the prize, much to TS’s disgust. As for our performance in the quiz, let’s just say that we were closer to winning the name prize.
Diplomatic ‘vodka incident’
TS was lying on the sofa this week working its way through its collection of Cold War films the danger, action scenes and over-the-top accents were very exhilarating.
Of course, we prefer to experience these thrills from the safety of our lounge, but Ernst & Young partner Michael Lynch-Bell is a much bolder individual. Lynch-Bell, you see, has been working in Kazakhstan, but instead of running for cover from Mig 25s and nuclear submarines as TS might imagine, he has encountered dangers of a different kind.
Looking slightly bleary-eyed, Lynch-Bell admitted that he had been forced to endure a ‘vodka incident’ by his over enthusiastic hosts while in the country, which TS understands cost him six hours of one working day.
If any reader wants to hear of TS’ Chateau Lafitte incident, just send a bottle or two our way.
Own goal for Arsenal
Flicking through the sports pages of the nationals at the weekend, TS was intrigued to come across stories regarding Arsenal’s tax bill.
The Gunners have been using employee benefit trusts, which allowed them to give employees interest-free loans and offset them against profits, and were recently ruled illegal by the House of Lords in the Dextra case.
One correspondent said: ‘Arsenal is worried that foreign nationals can ultimately avoid UK tax if they move abroad, a factor that may influence players when they consider their futures.’
Given the apparent dearth of homegrown talent that is blighting the game, some might say that is one of the greater benefits of the government’s tax clampdown.
It has also given Thierry Henry the perfect excuse to move to Barcelona in search of a Champions League medal.
Juicy question taxes VAT man
While TS has free lunches coming out of its ears, so to speak, it seems VAT commissioners have to rely on disputes to get grub on expenses. The latest dispute is over whether or not fruit juices are standard-rated for VAT, or zero-rated. In other words, should vegetable juices be considered a drink or food? So to find out, the VAT commissioners obviously had to sample the drinks.
Gazpacho soup was also provided, as was some lemon juice and, most bizarrely, a Slim-Fast shake. After many sips and a consideration of the law, Grove Fresh, the juicers in question, lost. Vegetable fruit juice is, for the record, standard-rated.
E&Y's Land gets Chiles-ish
Much glee was in evidence at the E&Y Entrepreneur of the Year awards last week after the firm’s victory over Equitable. Rumour has it that other big firms had been fulsome in their congratulations to top man Nick Land on the case settlement all, that is, except for PwC. But after the firm provided expert witness testimony in the case for Equitable’s side, perhaps that was to be expected.
The awards themselves provided some unintended hilarity too. Not only did E&Y have hired clappers on hand to lead the winners up to the front, ushering them onstage with a dramatic flourish, Land was also on form in his vote of thanks to Adrian Chiles, the compere for the evening. ‘Thank you Adrian, for keeping everything going at such a pace,’ Land said, ‘and some of your jokes were really very funny.’ Only some?
Want to know what colleagues earn? Move to Norway
It has not gone unnoticed by TS that talk of increased transparency has been floating around the finance world for the last few years, despite spending most of that time at the bottom of a beer glass.
But frankly, anything that the UK has come up with so far to make finances more see-through is just peanuts to what they are doing over in Norway.
The Scandinavian country has just made available online the tax records of every single citizen in the nation.
This has meant that even details of the Norwegian royal family's income, as well as that of business tycoons and celebrities, are just a few clicks away.
But, given that the records cover everybody, it seems most have been using the new sense of openness to sneak a peak at the wages of neighbours and colleagues.
TS reckons it could do with this sort of regime here. It could certainly help when it next comes to pay rise negotiations to know what your work mates are taking home.
Mr Brown in tax giveaway
Pensioner Sylvia Hardy, jailed for seven days for her council tax arrears of £53.71, has been released after just two days after a mysterious benefactor known only as Mr Brown stepped in and paid the bill.
'The prison governor was hounded from the moment I got into prison by a mysterious Mr Brown, as he called himself. He left two contact numbers, one in Bristol and one in London, said he was a Christian and that he wanted to pay my debt,' Hardy said.
Rumours that Mr Brown's first name may have been Gordon, and that he may have hailed from No. 11 Downing Street, have been quashed, however, with the Treasury officially denying that the Chancellor had been involved.
Hardy said she had not wanted to be released: 'Surely there's a human rights element? Surely the person who owes the money has the right to say whether they want this debt paid or not?'
Anyone imprisoned for non-payment of tax is automatically released when it is paid, officials said.
Institute crucial vote: support the Olympics?
Given a quiet moment, TS has been known to happily peruse the ICAEW's council meeting notes for points of 'interest'. Yes, it is true we do work sometimes.
Suffice to say, the when browsing through the notes for June we found it contained a right corker that must be shared. Council member David Chitty proposed that the president at the time, Paul Druckman, should convey the institute's support for London's successful bid to host the 2012 Olympics. Imagine TS' surprise that such an innocent proposal should be held to vote. Even more surprisingly, three council members voted against it - spoilsports.
A separate glance at the spiel on the ICAEW's library services revealed that the most borrowed book among members in 2004 was 'Preparing Company Accounts'. TS still hasn't decided whether that's a good thing or not.
Equitable lawyer shows his credentials
Whither the lawyers in the Equitable/Ernst & Young saga? TS is sure you are anxious to know.
At least in the shot term, some of them might have to do a bit of web editing. Equitable's lawyers were the less than terrifying Herbert Smith, and Iain Milligan QC of 20 Essex Street chambers.
Herbert Smith's litigation partner Charles Plant still has the case on his list of online credentials, in which Herbies, as they are known, forced a sum of, er, nothing, out of Ernst & Young, having sought over £2bn. What an achievement!
Interested readers should hot foot it to the following site to see for themselves.
Milligan's own site lists the case but without saying which side he was on (a clever ruse). The puff for the chambers is less adroit. Time to get the clerks on to it, perhaps.
Colin goes conkers
Colin and Mac are taking up the craze that's sweeping the financial world – Conkers. See how they get on by clicking on the image above.
Conkers at dawn
Today brings one of the great occasions in City life the Taylor’s Port/PwC conker cup. Taking place at the Great Eastern Hotel, and organised by Lovell’s, the competition was first held last year.
TS understands that Chris Dickson, of JDS fame, will be taking part again this year. Dickson was disqualified last year after stamping on his opponent’s conker, so let’s hope he plays a little fairer this time.
TS would be keen to see some of the JDS’s targets in evidence. Will Deloitte chairman Martin Scicluna, currently facing the rap over Capital Corporation, take part? Or perhaps there will be a team from E&Y, still in the JDS’ sight over Equitable? Well, it beats a public hearing.
Can cook, will cook
As we were strolling into the office one afternoon, after an eight-course meal at the chef’s table at Gordon Ramsay’s, TS reflected on the numerous jollies we have attended.
Although corporate golf and the white-collar boxing fad had their unique charm, the good old boozy lunch, with lobster and champers, is hard to beat.
Knowing that the way to TS’s heart is through our stomach (PRs take note), Anna Venturi has come up with a variation on the plain sit-down dinner corporate cooking. This involves actually preparing the meal yourself instead of waiting for it to be served up. TS is sceptical, but it appears that KPMG, Deloitte and Tesco Finance have taken to the idea like an MD to a Cuban cigar.
‘My cookery classes are a big hit with companies, who use them as a team building and staff rewarding exercise,’ says Venturi.
Building Public Distrust
Last week’s Building Public Trust awards to celebrate corporate disclosure - now an annual event at a swanky London hotel - did not quite go the way host PricewaterhouseCoopers would have hoped.
Not only were the judges unimpressed by much of what they had seen, they didn’t hold back in letting the crowd know. Chairman Sir Andrew Likierman admitted to ‘disappointment’ with the quality, and complained of being ‘left guessing’ about some aspects of disclosure. Professor David Begg felt the same. Morley’s Anita Skipper endured ‘some frustrations’ in judging remuneration policies. And Nick Anderson from Insight Investment didn’t seem any more enthused. To be fair, each judge commended the shortlist and the winners.
But it fell to PwC’s Glyn Barker to try and end the evening on an upbeat note. ‘Despite some mealy-mouthed comments earlier on all deserved to be recognised,’ he said.
Ulster is still rocking
TS is pretty upset to see the festival season over for another year. This weekend, we had to take off our tight-fit drainpipes along with the skull and crossbones ripped T-shirt and place them into storage.
But it seems that the Northern Irish branch of CIPFA just can’t stop rocking. At its annual conference in County Down, it invited professional rock musician and Aberdeen Business School resident Dr John Park to ‘demonstrate creativity in action’ through his music in order to ‘unlock the inner creativity of senior public sector executives’.
Not only that, it also invited former Chicago Bears American football team pre-match motivator John Cassis.
TS just wonders if a merger does go ahead, then it could perhaps mean for an interesting change in dress code for future conferences from suits and ties to jeans and knee-high boots!
Pension grumbles over KPMG bonanza
At KPMG’s London alumni cocktail party last week, the assembled masses had plenty to talk about. After all, it’s been quite a summer. The firm survived a life-threatening mauling in the US over tax shelters and has taken the controversial decision to continue its battle with pension fund members over whether said fund was a defined benefit or a defined contribution scheme.
So when Mike Rake revealed the prospect of bumper results, there was plenty of murmuring. If they’re that good, whispered many of those gathered, why not cough up and stop engendering so much bad feeling among the 7,000 members affected?
