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Boys will be boys
Full marks to both Equitable and E&Y for macho posturing throughout the case. E&Y said Equitable’s case was ‘completely devoid of merit’ and ‘increasingly directionless and confused’, with Jonathan Gaisman QC leading the charge for scornful remarks.
Nick Land (pictured) finished with a triumphant declaration that it was disappointing not to have had the opportunity to ‘ultimately crush’ Equitable in court.
But top prize for bluster must go to Vanni Treves, who said before the trial started: ‘In all litigation, there is always an element of bluster, but I am deadly serious. This is no game of cat and mouse. I hope they realise this before we inflict grievous damage. We will wipe them out.’
Chillingly, he added:‘We are reasonable people. And we do not want to ruin E&Y or the livelihoods of its partners and their families. Unless we have to.’
Not this time.
TS in court, again
Perhaps even more pleased than Ernst & Young about the settlement with Equitable will be David Law of PricewaterhouseCoopers, who was seen smiling like a Cheshire cat throughout the day.
No doubt Mr Law was ecstatic not to face more questioning from E&Y’s QC, Jonathan Gaisman, who had for three days been tearing him into small pieces metaphorically speaking, of course.
Chris Dickson of JDS fame was also witnessed putting in an appearance on the previous Monday, just after 12 O’clock. Perhaps he was gaining some tips for the JDS’s own tribunal on the matter, which can now go ahead.
Once the shooting ended and the white flag had been raised, TS adjourned to the offices of Herbert Smith where Equitable was explaining its, ahem, settlement, to gathered journalists. When TS said where we were from, Vanni Treves announced delightedly: ‘Accountancy Age? Ooooo, you’ll have a story to tell.’
We certainly will, Vanni, we certainly will.
Something to celebrate
The Champagne was flowing over at 1 More London Place, home of Ernst & Young, this week. And not just because TS had been invited in for a three-course lunch, oh no.
Something about winning a court case against an insurance company, was it? TS is unclear on the details.
Not only was chairman Nick Land seen wandering around the building with a bottle in hand (reportedly a gift from Mike Rake to toast the end of the trial), but partners and even press officers, rumour has it were gathered on the eighth floor to open a few cases of Krug.
And here was TS thinking that E&Y was on an efficiency drive.
Revenue’s Pet project
The Revenue has indeed been busy trying to rake in the cash this week. HMRC has also been looking to glean more pennies from brickies and the like with the introduction of a revised tax regime for the Construction Industry Scheme.
TS was therefore saddened to hear Tim Healy, aka former Auf Wiedersehen, Pet! gaffer Dennis, extol the importance of following the new rules for an HMRC radio ad this week.
Surely there must have been many a scaffolding pole and hod dropped in surprise on building sites around the country at Dennis’ turncoat attitude. We were a little bit surprised that Oz and Moxie haven’t had a word with him about their cash-in-hand wages.
Auf wiedersehen to the old rules indeed.
Accountants worse than terrorists, Met says
What with KPMG’s tax shelter problems in the US, relationships between accountants and the law have not been at their best on the other side of the Atlantic. After attending a briefing at New Scotland Yard, it would appear that a similar state of affairs exists in the UK.
Commander David Johnston, the head of the Met’s economic and specialist crime unit, confirmed as much when he suggested that accountants were tougher to deal with than terrorists.
‘The thing is, you can always negotiate with terrorists,’ the commander remarked. TS can only suggest that he get in touch with the good people at the SEC for a few pointers.
Colin turns to wax
For some, standing in a room full of waxworks can lead to embarrassing situations, for others it is an opportunity. Click on the image above to see what Colin and his mates get up to at Madame Tussauds.
There’s a new sheriff in town
Our request for suggestions on what role PwC tax celebrity John Whiting should play in the firm’s panto has elicited some interesting responses.
The most humorous starts well by ignoring the fact that the play is Jack and the Beanstalk. We won’t say who sent it but if John wants to find out we suggest he ‘direct’ his attention to PwC’s public affairs department.
‘How about John playing the role of the Sheriff of Nottingham in this year’s PwC panto, but rather than the traditional robber baron portrayal he comes in the guise of the 21st century flat-tax incarnation, who works in co-operation with Robin Hood, from the Government Office for the Regions, in the Forest of Sherwood Enterprise Zone to help reduce poverty and unemployment through a series of centrally set but locally managed targets...’ TS can see the kids loving that one.
Melting into the crowd
Great scenes at Madame Tussards for the Smith & Wesson party last Wednesday, as the lift attendant referred to it (better known as Smith & Williamson).
S&W people were out in force for the bash, with tax guru Francesca Lagerberg seen rubbing shoulders with George Clooney (she refused to kiss his waxy cheek for a TS photo).
The firm’s staff were all looking very glamorous and willing to listen intensely to TS ramble on for hours about nothing in particular. At least, we think it was S&W people as they never introduced themselves or spoke or moved come to think of it.
But TS most enjoyed watching numerous S&W staff stopping to pose for a pic from a waxwork photographer. Oh the embarrassment!
Big Quill line-up fleshes out
The line-up for our fictional accountancy-related music festival ‘The Big Quill’ is growing. Via our blog we hear from John Hunter, who proposes colleague Sheila Henderson ‘Shetland’s country superstar’ with a highly acclaimed album Waiting for Venus. Not content with celebrity status on a remote Scottish island, she has taken time out from her musical career to sit and pass her ACCA finals.
But looking to headline the gig is our favourite suggestion so far from Feroze Dada of London firm Freeman & Partners. The three-piece band features an FCA, a chartered tax adviser and a tax solicitor. Feroze was sparing with the details, but we suspect the band has a punk-ish slant. Its name? ‘The Tax Pistols’. Genius.
For adult eyes only
TS was meandering around Soho the other day when it took a wrong turn and ended up walking down a seedy alleyway lined with adult shops and ‘live entertainment bars’. Obviously, TS made a dash for cleaner streets as quickly as it could.
But we are not the only ones to have an inadvertent brush with the adult entertainment industry. Howard Leigh, one of the founders of Cavendish Corporate Finance, tells TS about the interesting goings-on near his workplace while chatting at the Royal Garden Hotel in Kensington, where TS regularly pops in for an expensive meal and a brandy snifter. Leigh suspects there are ‘some naughty movies’ being filmed across the road from Cavendish’s Portland Place HQ.
TS hopes Leigh hasn’t accidentally appeared in the background of one of these flicks as TS has yet to live down its own celluloid debut but that’s another story.
Merger name challenge for Privy Council
The Privy Council is no dispute resolution service, though it might find itself cast as one should the ICAEW and CIPFA pull off their planned merger. The institutes’ preferred name, the Institute of Chartered Accountants, is upsetting ICAS and others and any change would have to be approved by the Privy Council. Sitting in the middle of this will be council clerk Alex Galloway, a man of fearsome intellect.
That much was confirmed last week after the Privy Council won the final of the BBC 2 series University Challenge: The Professionals. ‘The victory was an exhilarating experience,’ says Galloway. You can’t imagine him quite so excited by resolving (or not) internecine disputes among the institutes.
Whiting switches from TV to stage
There are many powerful bodies, organisations and recognisable brands in the world including the United Nations, the European Union and Microsoft among others but, as I'm sure you'll agree, TS has long commanded top spot.
The proof as they say is in the pudding…well in this case it was an email but bear with TS, its still early and we've yet to take a sip of our skinny grande latte darling!
This morning TS received correspondence over its call last week for several PwC partners to sign up to tread the boards at the firms' annual panto this Christmas.
One of those mentioned, tax partner and famous media luvvy John Whiting, told TS this morning that he'd received 'the call' to appear in the star studded (cough, splutter) 'but all for a good cause' PwC version of Jack and the Beanstalk. According to Whiting, the call came from the 'directors' assistant's assistant' who mentioned he had a 'partette' for Dame Whiting.
He then went on to say that he'd had numerous suggestions from colleagues on which part to play but that 'not all were printable'.
Can TS perhaps suggest he enquires into whether the part of the bean seller is vacant?
Long may the power of TS influence the largest global companies to dress their employees up in tights and silly hats to be ridiculed on stage by hordes of laughing children.
For more suggestions on John's role, read TS in tomorrow's edition of Accountancy Age.
'Outsourcing' all good for the money men
TS has recently been spending plenty of time with corporate financiers, and wishes that it had even more time to do so. All the days spent on the golf course, the endless supply of Cuban cigars and the seafood platters make it an exciting area to cover. But it seems that a spot of gossip isn't outside their remit either.
While dining with a select few of the industry's finest, the activities of couple at a table nearby sparked an animated conversation, as only one half of the pairing was wearing a wedding band. After an in-depth discussion, one corporate financier piped up that 'there was nothing wrong with a bit of outsourcing'. TS can only assume that the commentator was referring to the latest mergers rather than the neighbouring lovebirds.
Talk like Anstee day
Ever dreamt of being chief executive of the ICAEW? Well today could be your chance to practice. Following on from institute president Ian Morris' comments that Eric Anstee has 'piratical' good looks, we can now reveal that today is 'talk like a pirate day'
You too can 'arr' your way through crucial meetings, safe in the knowledge that it will be helping you to reach the very top of the profession.
TS on the other hand thinks that perhaps we're being a bit too cruel to Eric, but it's just far too much fun to stop.
In defence of Benaud: A TS response
Since we bade our fond farewell to Richie Benaud in the pages of TS this week we have had an interesting response questioning our knowledge from tax lecturer and Glamorgan season ticket holder Hywel Williams.
'I've no doubt about your accountancy credentials but felt Taking Stock might be a late convert to this cricket lark,' wrote Hywel. 'Far be it for me to suggest that bandwagons and jumping should be mentioned in the same sentence but the phrase you use: Richie Benaud knocking out centuries as a cricketer, rather disguises the fact that he was in fact the Shane Warne of his day, holding the previous highest total of test wickets by a leg spinner (some 200+) rather than being, say, a precursor of Brian Lara!'
TS was rather taken aback by the accusation of bandwagon jumping (although we did have a brief fling with rugby union recently), but does admit that Richie was a tad more famous as a rather superb leg spinner than for his feats with the willow. Benaud, as Hywel suggests, took 248 wickets in his test career, his best figures being 7-72. Not bad at all.
But, and it's a reasonably big but, Richie was certainly no slouch with the bat. He notched up three test centuries in his time as a player, his best being 122 against South Africa at Johannesburg in December 1957. He even managed an agonizingly close 97 against England at Lords in June 1956. All in all he made half-centuries nine times, ending his career with a test average was 24.45. He also managed to get past the 100-mark 23 times at first class level.
These are figures, we're sure, Shane Warne or any trainee accountant as Benaud once was, would be very proud of. Heck, Warne is desperate for just the one ton.
Colin gets a rude awakening
Perhaps listening to RadioAccounts first thing in the morning isn't such a good idea. Click on the image above for Colin's latest revelations…
Brides getting no satisfaction
Begbies Traynor recovery expert Chris Herron is gaining a bit of a reputation for being pursued by ‘unsatisfied’ brides across the UK.
Apparently Herron is working as administrator on a second online wedding gift company that has got itself into a spot of financial bother.
The first, The Gift Registry, saw him chased by brides claiming that the company’s collapse had ruined their special day. But his skills in dodging veiled assassins led to him being recruited for the latest troubled business, Wedding List Direct. ‘While of course it’s flattering to be appointed, I fear I’ll soon get a reputation for being Mr Doom for Brides,’ he says.
TS can but wonder how many toasters and kettles poor Herron has flogged on behalf of his creditors.
TS up against the wall at BBC
As a respected authority on all things accounting, TS has always believed that it sets the standard for financial excellence. Nevertheless, the profession’s number one gossip column was delighted to discover that its reputation was indeed highly regarded during a soirée with accounting’s elite.
In between clinking glasses with Paul Boyle and organising coffee with Suzzane Wood, TS bumped into BBC FD Zarin Patel when reaching for a prawn cocktail.
TS’s devoted readers may recall a report on the back page about how Patel had two iPods, one for each kind of music she liked. Well, it turns out that Patel has mounted and framed the said TS page.
‘When you make the TS page, you know you’ve arrived,’ the BBC finance chief admits. Thanks for the confirmation Zarin, TS always suspected as much.
Benaud out for the count
Among the many things that TS misses in the world these days are trips to the corner shop for a bag full of penny sweets, wearing odd luminous socks and riding a Chopper bike.
But there’s another timeless classic we will have to add to our ‘missing’ list and that’s Aussie cricket commentator Richie Benaud.
He bade farewell to UK audiences this Monday after England has secured the Ashes.
However, what Richie failed to mention to the masses was that he, in fact, began his ‘professional’ life as a junior accountant with Australia’s Fairfax Media Group in order to make some cash while also knocking out centuries as a cricketer.
TS is sad to see you go Richie and we wish you luck commentating back in Oz. But if you want to dip a toe back into the accountancy world, we’ll see what we can do.
Hong Kong is a long haul
As we all know, we work far too hard and far too long in this country. Frankly, TS is vastly underpaid for the 10 hours we spend working each week. But for accountants the situation can be far worse.
Next time you contemplate complaining to the boss, however, as he dumps another load of work in your in-tray, spare a thought for your poor counterparts in Hong Kong.
A recent report stated that accountants out there usually work 12 hours a day. This goes up to 15 hours during busy times and includes weekends and holidays.
So, if you’re looking for more endeavour for your reward, make sure you think carefully about any transfer to the HK office.
Would the real ICA please stand up?
There are no signs of a swift resolution to the ongoing row over the name of the new super institute. To recap: the ICAEW and CIPFA plan to merge and want to call the merged body ‘The Institute of Chartered Accountants’.
As a former England football manager might say does ICAS (the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Scotland) not like that. Negotiations, our more informed colleagues tell TS, are continuing. So we were surprised on calling ICAS this week to hear a jolly receptionist intone ‘The Institute of Chartered Accountants’.
What’s that corporate maxim about if you really want to know what’s going on, then ask the receptionist?
Magic beancounters
Every year, PwC puts on a panto for charity. Normally it has a monopoly on accountancy-based Christmas entertainment, but when we heard there might be some competition from Deloitte duo Marianthe Sitzoukis and Sarah McFarlane, TS decided to give the panto an early plug and obtain some exclusive info.
PwC is putting on Jack and the Beanstalk this year, the 20th panto it has done. No opportunity for beancounter jokes there then. Tara Kent, who works in training at the firm, is directing, and audit(ion)s are taking place now. Rehearsals start in September with curtain up in January.
The only thing yet to be decided is the cameo roles for senior partners. Kieran Poynter is always in Davos for these things, but we’d like to see John Whiting on stage not to mention Peter Wyman, Gillian Wild and Glyn Barker. The gauntlet, you might say, has been laid down.
Get on the good foot
It looks like TS has opened up a veritable Pandora’s Box after highlighting the exploits of a couple of bands that boast accountants among the line-up.
You guys really do rock, it seems. Following our punk popster and 80s rockers, we now have a little bit of soul coming our way.
Katy Bayliss at Horwath Clark Whitehill tells us that her band, Soul Trader, features a chartered accountant with his own firm as lead singer, herself as an ACCA finalist on sax, a manager in an accounts office playing guitar and a drummer who also works for a finance company.
That’s a pretty impressive line-up, but we still reckon that there must be at least one all-accountant band out there to finish our fantasy festival ‘The Big Quill’ as headline act.
If we hear of some senior partners involved we may be forced to consider putting this event on for real.
Tax free handouts
As TS stepped off the 8.56am at Victoria Station bleary eyed from having celebrated the glorious Ashes victory against the Aussies, it was shocked to see several suited and perhaps older-than-average 'marketing bunnies' handing out free gifts to passing commuters.
As TS rubbed its specs to see a little clearer it noticed to its amazement that the folk dishing out the goodies were in fact Chartered Institute of Taxation members with masses of CIOT emblazoned plastic bags clasped between their fiscal fingers.
Unfortunately, the commuters were as confused as TS and, it has to be said, vaguely upset at receiving a bag containing a taxation supplement run by a national newspaper, a CIOT leather bookmark (just like the ones you used to buy when you went on school trips) and a leaflet encouraging people to choose a career as a tax adviser. It's certainly a far cry from the free smoothie, fun-sized snack bar or miniature can of deodorant that is usually thrust into your hand on the concourse.
Still, at least there was the chance of winning a two-night stay in the US city of Boston if you knew the answer to which Prime Minister was responsible for the Boston tea party tax revolt. TS just wonders how many ordinary people in the street would know the response?
If you don't fancy answering that how about paying the CIOT a visit during its tax debate this evening? Then again, you could watch England's Ashes victory parade instead.
For more info go to: http://www.tax.org.uk/ctaday
Cashing in on Harry Potter
Now, you would have thought that accountants have enough bother having to work out how to deal with numerous currencies when compiling accounts for international companies, but then someone goes and starts trying to introduce an imaginary one.
It seems Travelex, not content with the money they make from converting holidaymakers currency to euros, dollars or rand have taken it on themselves to try and work out the value of wizarding money.
It has estimated that the value of a galleon, used in the Harry Potter series of books is worth £5.01 or €7.39, somehow. This, apparently means that kitting out a wizard or witch for their first year at Hogwarts would cost about £1,700, a magic wand is worth £35.08 while a top notch broomstick would set you back £1,503.
TS is on the case to the Big Four to see if they can set us straight on what company accounts would look like under WAS, that's Wizard Accounting Standards to us muggles.
Colin follows his dreams
All this talk of accountants moonlighting at other professions has got Colin and Mac thinking. See what they dream of by clicking on the image above.
Trigger happy
TS has always thought that Aussie soaps nurture the finest pop talent to appear in the UK. You know, Kylie and Danni Minogue, Holly Valance and even good ol’ Craig McLachlan. But it’s not true. Indeed, it’s accountants who are truly TOTP.
Following last week’s revelation about accountant-come punk/pop bass player Helen Stafford, reader Steven Checkley told TS that his 80s rock band, Trigger, boasts an astounding two qualified accountants one chartered and one certified!
The group’s album can be listened to at www.solariserecords.com/artists/rock/trigger.html.
Any more takers? A CIMA barbershop quartet? TS is thinking an accountancy-based festival line-up may not be far away. The Big Quill, anyone?
Under cover of accountancy
Before deciding to dedicate its life to scribbling accountancy gossip, TS whiled away the hours dreaming of parachuting from a Hercules plane in pitch darkness over enemy territory. Unfortunately, for some deep-seated psychological reason, we always landed in a cactus field.
So TS’s jaw dropped to the floor when Malcolm McKenzie, founding partner of RSM Robson Rhodes, told us he used to work for the SAS. We soon regained our senses, though, when he admitted that this was not the Special Air Service, which only hires crack army troops for secret missions, but rather Ernst & Young’s late 1990s strategic advisory services division.
TS wonders just how many times McKenzie has used this line at parties, in an attempt to make accountancy sound more exciting. Who dares wins, Malcolm.
Fighting talk in the ranks
Is it TS or are accountants seemingly desperate to get out of the profession these days? If not masquerading as stand-up comediennes, punk-rockers or seemingly special agents, they’re getting seven bells knocked out of them.
News reaches us that 29-year-old Manchester-based accountant Abdul Rashid is quitting the profession to become a professional boxer. The South Manchester Reporter tells us that Rashid is putting down his pencil and putting on the gloves, with his first professional fight taking place in Wigan. TS wishes him a bunch of luck, but suspects his devotion to accountancy has been on the wane for some time.
Rather than the full-on dedication to bookkeeping you might expect, apparently, his latest jobs have been appearing as an extra in such TV classics as Coronation Street, Hollyoaks and No Angels. Knockout!
Xmas clash for Deloitte pair
Followers of our blog will no doubt have heard the tale of the Deloitte duo who have been hitting the stage with their show at Edinburgh Blondes have more fun!
But it has now emerged that Marianthe Sitzoukis, from the firm’s internal communications team, and Sarah McFarlane, from the press office, may also be putting on a Christmas show.
‘We are not going to do that production again, but we have talked about doing something for Christmas,’ McFarlane coyly told TS, when we rang to dig up the dirt.
TS is a bit worried that the show could clash with the annual PricewaterhouseCoopers’ panto. We could well be spoilt for choice for theatre this festive season.
A taxing issue for KPMG
TS couldn’t help but wince as we read through the US Department of Justice’s agreement with KPMG over the firm’s tax shelter schemes. It was fined $450m (£252m) and was forced to agree to having a monitor stationed in its offices on a humiliating ‘he’s free to go anywhere’ kind of policy.
But just when you thought the DoJ was going for the jugular, it gets all friendly and agrees that KPMG can stay on as DoJ auditor. No conflict of interests there then! Mind you, perhaps the level of trust has dropped somewhat. The settlement is at pains to points out that KPMG’s $450m fine is not deductible for tax purposes. They wouldn’t have tried it, would they?
