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Free ride for free spirits
Who says bean counters are boring? Not TS that's for sure. Remember the time when lots of lovely accounting bods (and bodesses) strapped themselves naked into a roller coaster to break a world record?
But now, we might be seeing a lot more accountants significantly adjusting their risk profile thanks to the kind folk at theme park Alton Towers. Sparked by the Hong Kong University study last week, accountants are to be given the chance to shrug off the dullard tag by getting in free of charge and trying all the rides without spending a penny of their own money.
Alton Towers spokesman Mike Lorimer told the Manchester Evening News that the theme park is challenging all accountants to 'prove that they are up for a thrill' by urging them to 'escape the monotony of spreadsheets' and instead check out the stomach-churning Oblivion ride
Alan Hyams, the president of the Manchester Society of Chartered Accountants, backed the bean counting profession and said that accountants were 'no more boring than any other professional people'. 'They do interesting things outside of their jobs, such as charity work, climbing mountains, playing sports and other hobbies.'
Hyams added that 'if he had the time' then he would take up the Alton Towers offer and recommend that his committee did the same.
To gain free entry, accountants must show their professional ID. TS thinks it's a great idea, we just hope everybody remembers their clothes this time.
The Friday afternoon TS name chase
No doubt most of you have at some point used the internet to find out what is listed under your own name. TS did just this recently. Unfortunately ts.com just takes you to a company called ticket solutions which is not particularly interesting, in our opinion at least.
Undeterred, we though that instead we would try some of the more prominent names in the world of accountancy, with some far more intriguing results. For instance www.johnconnolly.com, takes you to the site of an estate agent, who promises to help 'sellers and buyers fulfil their dreams'. A bit like our John really.
Switching firms, www.nickland.com seems to take you to a land of Nicks although as it is proclaiming the winners of the 2001 US college basketball championships, we suspect it may be a bit out of date.
But perhaps the most surprising comes from putting in the name of PwC partner and former ICAEW president Peter Wyman. We should warn those that want to visit the site that it may not be to everyone's taste, but who would have though that Peter had such an artistic steak in him.
Colin fights boring claim
Colin is on a mission to prove, once and for all, that accountants are not boring. See how his efforts panned out by clicking on the above image.
Boring scientists say accountants are boring
TS has been campaigning for years to spice up the world of accountancy, if it wasn’t interesting enough for you already, but boffins now tell us that we are fighting a losing battle. The City University of Hong Kong has said it can prove why accountants are boring.
We don’t want to give this ‘study’ too much credence, so we won’t go into too much detail, but apparently it’s got something to do with the language used by the nation’s beancounters and the environment they work in.
TS reckons this study must be seriously flawed, after all who could possibly find capital gains tax or even interest rate margin hedging dull? See Colin’s view on the blog…
Never mind the balance sheet...
Punk and accountants. An unusual combo in these modern times, TS dares to suggest, although we hear mythical stories of partners with Mohicans back in 1976.
But now we have got wind of one woman who has managed to straddle both ‘professions’ ably.
Helen Stafford, of Norfolk firm Sexty & Co, recently won a regional award for her bookkeeping skills, but has gained just as much notoriety for her extra-curricular activities. Helen may deal with accounts production and tax compliance by day, but come the night she plays bass guitar in all-girl ‘pop-punk’ combo Compact Pussycat.
‘I sometimes have to turn up at gigs wearing my business suit and then get changed into my stage gear,’ Helen admitted to local news website EDP24: ‘Someone once fell off their stool when I told them I was an accountant.’
Unbelievably Bull Marketingspeak
TS is always looking to provide gossip solutions for our content constituents. That’s amusing stories for our readers to you and me. So we were more than pleased last week when a release from United Business Media, a company that by virtue of working in the media really should know better, landed on the TS desk detailing its purchase of three new companies.
The news was relayed in the following memorable sentence: ‘United Business Media (‘UBM’) today announced that it has acquired three businesses in line with its strategy of adding bolt-on complementary multi-media assets to its existing industry verticals.’
Time for a new competition, TS reckons. If anyone has witnessed more ridiculous marketing speak than this, please post you suggestions in the comments box below.
Food for thought
TS loves flying, especially the treat of tucking into a small foil container of reheated food with the added bonus of a ‘fragrant’ smelling lemon wet wipe at the end.
So obviously we were somewhat disturbed to find that Gate Gourmet could face administration following the crisis caused by its decision to sack 670 staff at Heathrow.
TS was a little surprised when perusing the company’s website that its values, as listed in the ‘Our People’ section, include ‘open communication’, treating staff with ‘respect and dignity’ and paying ‘market competitive salaries’.
This could, of course, be true. But you need staff on the payroll to actually treat them with dignity...
TS gets all muddled up
Two weeks ago, TS appealed on the blog for things to do in our quiet week (there was no issue last week). To our never-ending gratitude, our friends at accountancystudents.co.uk obliged.
The website created a slide puzzle featuring the front page of Accountancy Age, which you can access here.
The site scrambles the page, and you have to put it back together using your knowledge of the layout of the page and your innate understanding of which accountancy story goes where. If you want to be really innovative, you could rearrange the stories in line with your own preferences.
TS was so extremely over-excited to have provoked such feverish creativity that our best time was, well, not that impressive it took us nine minutes and 32 seconds to solve the puzzle.
Can you do better?
A slip of the finger
TS has, in the past, been known to make the occasional typo, or two. But there are some times in life when an unintentional slip of the fingers on the keyboard can be just that little bit more embarrassing.
Take the announcement of CIPFA's 'consolidation' roadshows on their latest e-newsletter, for example. Referring to your potential merger partners as the 'ICEAW' may have raised a few eyebrows at Moorgate Place.
Of course, TS could have this all wrong. Perhaps the institute is trying out new names in advance of any merger, given that ICAS has kicked up a stink about its initial proposed moniker of the ICA. If that is the case, TS would advise that they keep experimenting.
Deloitte duo hit the stage
Readers of the Sunday Telegraph, amongst other papers, will have noted that Deloitte has two budding actresses on its staff.
Marianthe Sitzoukis and Sarah McFarlane have been performing a show they wrote called 'Blondes Have More Fun' at the Edinburgh Festival. Sitzoukis, the Sunday Telegraph said, is so enamoured with treading the boards she is set to give up her job in internal communications at the Big Four firm to go into acting.
TS has discovered more about the thespian duo: a press release for the show reveals that they 'met at the water cooler at work.'
'Sitzoukis has worked as a television presenter in the past and has played the lead role in an independent science-fiction film She currently works for the internal communications team in business advisory firm Deloitte. McFarlane currently works in the press office,' it says, before adding intriguingly, 'Both have recently studied drama at the City Lit in London – Marianthe focusing on script based techniques and Sarah on improvisation, including Meisner technique.'
Interested readers can find the press release at http://www.sweet-uk.net/downloads/press/2005/blondes.doc
A couple of words on the OFR
TS was delighted to receive a message that the Accounting Standards Board has finally published is standard for the Operating and Financial Review. No doubt there are quite a few of you out there who have been on the edge of their seats waiting for this latest bit of red tape to bog down your days with.
What may please some a bit more is that the standard only seems to contain two words. Following the link provided in the email that was sent out takes you to a page which proudly displays in the main content area the words 'no content'.
If only the rules governing an OFR were that simple!
(Pedant's note: there is a link to the full 90-page document on the page as well, but why let that spoil a good story?)
And back to John Connolly
John Connolly is taking his vast salary (£3.6m at the last count) to Italy on holiday, he said last week at Deloitte’s annual results.
TS wishes him well. It’s a lovely place, great food. Particularly good yoghurt/milk based products company based there, if TS remembers rightly.
John was keen to point out last week that he had read TS’s item on Deloitte ‘backing the bid’.
Unlike TS’ many adoring fans, however, John wasn’t amused when accountancy’s favourite back page joked about Deloitte proudly displaying ‘back the bid’ banners three weeks after 2012 was in the bag.
‘We backed the bid and will continue to do so,’ stressed the Deloitte boss.
Deloitte’s ardour is admirable but TS fears the gag was lost on Connolly and co. After all, you don’t keep pitching to a client when you have already got the audit, now do you?
The Tweedie world of accounting
Last week TS informed the accounting world of Sir David Tweedie’s ‘efficient’ use of speech material during conferences. It led one accountant to regale TS about another event that Sir David was speaking at.
Apparently, the feisty Scots leader of the IASB was being his usual steely and to-the-point self, when another attendee was heard to say: ‘I always thought that Tweedie was something rough and hairy from north of the border’. Comparing Tweedie with the Scots cloth is a bit obvious. If his name was Sir Harris Tweedie, then it might be funny. Perhaps it’s because Sir Dave spins a good yarn.
Cox is the smiling assasin
For someone responsible for ensuring compliance across the entire US capital market, new SEC chairman Christopher Cox has a surprisingly daring sense of humour.
Speaking for the first time as the boss of the great white shark of the regulation world, Cox seemed unfazed by the history of corporate failure that has preceded him.
Commenting on widespread speculation about whether the SEC would be ‘investor friendly’ or ‘business friendly’ under his leadership, Cox said: ‘Such predictions, while part of the territory, often have as much factual basis as a WorldCom prospectus.’
TS wonders whether Cox will still be joking about accounting scandals so casually after his first few months of enforcing Sarbanes-Oxley?
Long John Connolly’s lolly
It’s August and TS is getting ready for its ‘fun’ office day out.
Ideas thrown into the TS trilby last week included sitting in a beer garden while blindfolded filling out self-assessment forms; pin the fraud on the finance director; and pass the Sarbanes-Oxley internal controls parcel while listening to a re-mix of Christopher Cox’s inaugural speech as chairman of the SEC.
All of these were of course great suggestions but TS is most likely to follow the lead of the Deloitte press office who, armed with clues and several spades, went on an office treasure hunt last week.
TS is sure they didn’t have to go too far to sniff out the lolly, probably just down the hall, as Deloitte chief executive John Connolly announced last week that his annual salary had risen by an astonishing £800,000 to £3.6m. Perhaps TS should suggest we have a joint summer day-out next year?
Elnaugh is enough
TS loves some Donald Trump-style motivational geeing-up in the morning before penning some hilarious accounting gossip.
So, the other day TS decided to pin up its favourite quotes from the world’s top entrepreneurs. Top of the list was Bill Gates. The Microsoft founder says: ‘Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.’
And how apt this phrase was when last week Rachel Elnaugh, former Andersen accountant and star of BBC2’s talent show Dragons’ Den, was forced to sell and leave the activity-gift business Red Letter Days that she set up when she was just 24.
Unfortunately Elnaugh’s own motto ‘learn from your mistakes and never give up,’ which is still on the BBC’s site, will be of little comfort to the army of customers and suppliers left in limbo. Brings to mind another great motivational quote from Trump: ‘You’re fired.'
Jennie makes a Sharp move
It would appear that this realisation has also dawned on the good people at recruitment agency Sharp Consultancy, who have employed a former probation officer as their star accounting recruiter. Apparently Jennie Dawson (pictured) decided that it was a good idea to quit her job as a probation officer and move into recruitment. 'Although it may seem like a dramatic change in direction, I have actually found a number of skills learned in my role as a probation officer that have come in useful in my new position at Sharp Consultancy,' Jennie explained. After the behaviour of Bernie Ebbers and company, TS has no doubt that she crossed paths with some accountant types as a probation officer before she decided to start recruiting them.
After WorldCom, Enron and Parmalat TS has accepted that sometimes accountants are going to fall on the wrong side of the law.
TS on holiday but still at work
TS has got a week off, thank you very much. Due to your all not being in the country and not reading this, there's no issue of Accountancy Age next week (it returns on the 25th August), which means (sigh) that TS may be at a loss as to know what to do over the next seven days.
Perhaps an over-by-over cricket commentary would be useful for followers of the Third Test? Perhaps TS will engage in some in-depth investigative journalism? Perhaps TS could use the time and the bright sunny days to go out and doorstep some of the big names in the accounting world (TS has a few pressing questions to ask, oh yes).
If anyone does have any suggestions, could they let TS know? Those nice people over at Accountancy Age will pass on any e-mails to letters@accountancyage.com.
FRRP checks big companies shock
The FRRP's report into its 'pro-activity' (could there be a report more deserving of the 'Look at us, we're doing something' tag?) contains one memorable line.
'The introduction of pro-activity brought the Panel into contact, for the first time, with some of the largest companies in the United Kingdom,' it says.
For the first time? The accounting watchdog has been around for a few years now (1990, to be precise) and it has just made contact with some of the biggest companies? The admission would be laughable if it weren't so worrying.
Who guards the guards themselves?
Readers of The Guardian will have been choking into their cornflakes yesterday, as the paper reported its annual survey into executive pay - 500 directors of FTSE 100 companies took home £650m last year 'as boardroom rewards continued to rocket,' the paper said.
But what's this? The Times says today that board pay at the Guardian Media Group 'rose 37% to £3.3m last year despite a loss of £48.3m at The Guardian and The Observer.'
Deals included a £373,000 pay packet for Alan Rusbrdiger, editor of The Guardian, and a 13% increase for Carolyn McCall, the chief executive of The Guardian and The Observer.
The Guardian itself said the majority of the increase was taken up by one payment, to Auto Trader boss Graham Luff, who earned a special £556,000 bonus for staying with the business after the media group acquired the title.
Presumably it will be extending such generosity of understanding to other companies now when it comes to reporting their pay hikes.
MayBE, MayBE not
'Will BE Studios, the company slated by a High Court judge for its “grossly exaggerated” R&D tax credit claims, be able to pay the money back to HMRC?’ experts are asking. BE was paid £150,000 in R&D tax credits, erroneously, according to a High Court judge.
BE says the question is ‘academic’ since it deserved the credits and can prove it if necessary.
TS’s curiosity remains active.
BE’s accounts for 2003, the latest available, reveal turnover of £30,000, payments to directors of £10,000 and profits after tax (credits) of £2,702. BE also has outstanding loans of several hundred thousand pounds.
The company’s R&D credits would have been better spent on genetically engineering a goose to lay a golden egg. We’ll leave you to make up your own mind.
FASB breaks standards mould
TS’ usual state of bewilderment on IFRS was exacerbated last week when it received the latest news from PwC on the convergence project between the IASB and FASB.
Quoting FASB chairman Bob Herz on the joint M&A standard, the letter read: ‘The principles are set out in black letters, which we haven’t done before, and the wording flows differently. We’re eager to see how it is received.’
Black letters, eh? That’s clearly a radical departure, which has left TS stunned. Wording that flows differently is just a bonus, only hoped for in our wildest dreams.
We welcome any thoughts on how the project can move further, if it’s even possible.
Equitable PR in crisis talks
The Equitable Life trial at the High Court is currently in its summer break. Time to relax, sit back and think about how it’s going.
For one participant, however, it’s time to offer the benefit of his own vast experience, explaining how to handle such complex affairs as a High Court trial.
Tony McGarahan, PR in chief at Equitable, has lined himself up to speak at a ‘crisis management’ conference for PR Week in October. ‘McGarahan will discuss stabilising the business, the importance of open communications and the benefits of effective scenario planning,’ the blurb says.
Only one question: with the second half of the trial still to come, and the outlook looking decidedly uncertain for Equitable, isn’t it a tad early to join the lecture circuit now? The phrase ‘hostage to fortune’ springs to mind.
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before
As a high flyer in the fast, glamorous world of accountancy journalism, TS is not afraid of reheating a story to save a bit of labour and free up some time for a session in the pub.
After listening to Sir David Tweedie’s latest address, it would appear that TS is in good company.
Delivering a speech at the London Business School, the IASB chairman said: ‘Those of you who have read the standard on financial instruments (IAS39) and understood it have not read it properly.’
Unfortunately, this is exactly the same gag he used to entertain punters at last November’s Accountancy Age Awards.
Content synergy, Sir David, content synergy.
Because I'm worth it
TS sometimes fills out exaggerated expense claims; firstly because being such a high profile gossip columnist, TS's general bonhomie (and drinks bill) frankly ought to be expensed to those upstairs; secondly, well, because TS deserves it.
That was the defence used by another dodgy character, according to The Times today. Accountant Robert Grantham, The Thunderer reports, was jailed for two years for taking £100,000 from the Catholic Truth Society (why does that name sound suspicious in itself?) - 'because he thought that he deserved it.'
Grantham used it to fund holidays, weddings, and to look after his grandmother.
TS sympathises - we've all got to live, after all.
