TS is no stranger to being on the wrong side of the law, and we still insist, along with our associate Father Ted Crilly (pictured), that the money was simply resting in our account while in transit to its rightful destination.

These unfortunate memories came flooding back as we approached the Association of British Insurers conference at the QEII centre in London last week.

Now, we know that insurance can be a risky business, but TS could see no reason for the forbidding cordon of police that surrounded the entrance to the conference, stopping visitors as they moved towards the building.

For a moment, TS thought that our seedy past had finally caught up with us, but just as we about to bolt for cover, we were relieved to find that the fuzz were protecting another conference in the building ­ about selling surplus UK defence equipment overseas ­ from protesters.

Funnily enough, that reminds TS of another scrape we only just got ourselves out of in Equatorial Guinea, but that’s another story.